All Sartres Pick Up Where They Left Off

The All Sartres have kicked off the 2015 Autumn season with a win, following their Spring Premiership in 2014.

Each team managed to field 3 players each, but are hoping to increase numbers as the season rolls on.

All prospective players 15 and over are welcome to participate. If you’re interested in coming down for a game you’ll find it’s fun, competitive, occasionally hard work and completely unintimidating (the game is largely populated by hacks in their 40s).

Come and see us on Sunday 15 March at 10am at St Kilda Primary School oval.

3 Sided Football Resumes this Sunday

The Lush St Kilda Primary School Pitch

The Lush St Kilda Primary School Pitch

The long awaited return of Australia’s inaugural 3-Sided Football competition returns this Sunday.

Can the St Kilda All Sartres pick up from where they left off with a premiership in the Spring competition, can Pythagoras 3FC return to winter premiership form, or can Atletico Geometry begin their quest for an elusive first title?  Impossible to tell really.

3-Sided football, with its philosophical and mathematical origins (which are largely disregarded once the boots are pulled on) will resume at 10am on the picture perfect St Kilda Primary School oval on the corner of Chapel St and Brighton Rd St Kilda.

Be there to participate, watch and shout abuse.  All welcome. See our ‘About’ page for an overview.

Meanwhile, allow this game to inspire you:



All Sartres Take Out Spring Premiership


Sartre, cock-a-hoop, celebrates with a ciggie

The St Kilda All Sartres, with 3 consecutive wins to round out the season, have won the 2014 Spring Premiership over a gallant Atletico Geometry.

The Geometers won the first 2 games of the season, and could perhaps be forgiven for metaphorically running around the streets of St Kilda with their jerseys draped over their heads, or even metaphysically wondering whether they are actually in St Kilda at all, but whichever way you look at it, they took their eyes of the physical, metaphysical and metaphorical ball, and allowed the All Sartres to slip under the radar (metaphorically) and crack the season (metaphorically) wide open.

Meanwhile Pythagoras 3FC were caught with their metaphorical pants down and finished last without a win to their prestigious name.  Pythagoras would be furious. I can picture him now, slamming down his set square and storming off the pitch in search of an ouzo.

Spring Season Underway (actually, it’s nearly over)


St Kilda Primary School Oval in need of attention

Ok, the first 3 games of the 2014 Spring season have passed, and finally a blog post has arrived.

So, in summary:

Game One (back on 12 October on the by now hard and dry St Kilda primary school pitch), was an abolsute ripper, resulting in a 3-way tie between old rivals Pythagorus 3FC (-2), the St Kilda All Sartres (also -2) and Atletico Geometry (predictably, also on -2).  Atletico Geometry, the maroon bastards, finished with a win on countback (i.e. they kicked the most goals).

Game Two was equally ‘ripper’, or perhaps this one was a cracker but, and regardless of which superlative you choose, also had to be decided on countback following another tie, also at minus 2. Again, Atletico Geometry won.  You might be forgiven for thinking these games were in fact one game.  I’m here to tell you they weren’t because they took place on different dates.

Game Three, controversially relocated to Fawkner Park in South Yarra due to a camp out on the school oval (the disrespect is incredible, I think you’ll agree), was not a tie, and was not won by Atletico Geometry, making it easy to distinguish from the first two games, and it was also, conveniently, played on a different date.  This all assumes that you feel the need to differentiate the games.  I do, but perhaps that’s just me.  Anyway, the St Kilda All Sartres took this one out, conceding 3 goals but booting 7. Final scores were All Sartres (-3), Pythagoras (-4) and Geometers (-6).

So after 3 games Atletico Geometry sit atop the ladder with 2 wins, the All Sartres are second with 1 win, and Pythagoras, with a devastating premiership hangover, are on the bottom, winless.

Inaugural Sydney 3-sided Football Match

by Ref Andrew F


After the launch of regular 3-sided football matches in Melbourne this year, a core group of Sydney friends and colleagues were eager to try out the game as a one off bit of fun. Andrew F, one of the original players of Melbourne’s inaugural match and referee for much of the winter season due to injury was prepared to travel and help organise it and so a plan came together.

It took a while to organise schedules and get enough people interested, but finally the match was scheduled for November 20 after work in a park in Sydney’s CBD.

Sydney switched on a fabulous late spring evening – Temperatures in the high 20s and a stiff evening sea breeze bringing with it a tang of salt on the air.

The pitch was set up in Prince Alfred Park – a location that was central, though had some challenges constructing a pitch between significant holes dug by dogs looking for bones. Eventually a site was chosen though it was characterised as being half dirt, half grass and had a significant slope on one of the goal lines. The game must go on however!

At 6pm, players arrived and after a few no-shows we pulled together just enough for a game.  Sax Cucvara, the organiser of the match, devised a method of allocating teams that involved the order of rolling 2 20 sided dice. No one was really sure of huge method but it seemed to work and teams were allocated, but the the green team at disadvantage being a player short. Green were given the kick off and choice of starting goal to compensate.

A quick briefing by Andrew on the overall rules and some points of strategy that had been found during the Melbourne matches and the players were ready to go.

Unfortunately pithy names weren’t forthcoming so teams were simply red, blue and green – the colours of huge bibs each team were wearing.


First third

Play commenced and an extremely rapid attack was mounted on the green team by a pair of players from Blue. Danielle scored the first goal of the first Sydney match within a minute of kick off, displaying wonderful soccer skills, catching the green players off guard and being wonderfully assisted by Bernadette.

The bar was officially set and play resumed, green eager to gain reprisal for the early concession. Some quick affiliation by the greens with the reds (who clearly felt obliged to make up for the numbers disadvantage) saw a sustained attack on the blue goal, with a strike eventually making it through.

After the initial flurry of attack and counter attack, the third settled, with only one more goal being conceded, this time by the green team against the reds. Scores were equal with 1 apiece at the first break.

Goals conceded

B 1
R 1
G 1

Goals scored

B 1
R 1
G 1


B -1
R -1
G -1

Second third

During the break, some discussion was had around switching players in order to shift the player disadvantage around. During this time, one of huge players, Ringo entreated a couple of guys having a kick about nearby to come and play with us. A super quick brief and they were seconded to the green team (they also happened to be wearing green tops).

The effect was immediate with green dominating the play of the second third, scoring against red and blue twice each. Blue struggled to find the goal, though not for lack of trying with numerous attempts on the green goal by Danielle, Bernadette, Ringo and Andrew but none finding their mark.

Red finally broke the green defence, scoring their second goal of the match.

Minutes out from the end of the third we were approached by a chap who had been sitting and watching the game unfold. Lion was from China on holiday and wanted to play too. He was quickly attached to the blue team (he had a blue top on) with the instructions to just help defend the goal which he did admirably.

Goals conceded

B 2
R 2
G 1

Goals scored

B 0
R 1
G 4


B -3
R -3
G -2

Final third

As the sun set, the final third commenced. Green were dominating, with a seemingly impenetrable defence and one goal ahead.

Play shifted back and forward with red and blue showing moments of collusion before trust broke down due to opportunistic attempts on each other’s goals.

Lion, our Chinese ring-in player proved a competent player even in plimsolls and holding an iPhone in one hand whilst playing.

As legs tired, the green defence held strong with neither red or blue able to crack it. The third ended with not a single goal conceded by any team and green as the winners.

Goals conceded

B 0
R 0
G 0

Goals scored

B 0
R 0
G 0


B -3
R -3
G -2

Final result

After a commanding second third and then holding up their defence in the final, the green team emerged the winners through only conceding two goals, to red and blue’s three each.

As the sun went down, many remarked at how much fun they had and when the next match could be held. Everyone was covered in the dirt that arises from playing football in a dust bowl but cheerfully went to the pub for a couple of beers to relieve glories or lament missed opportunities.

The game was a lot of fun and it is great to see interest in the game outside of Melbourne. With noises of more regular matches being played, here’s hoping we can see an interstate match occurring some time in 2015.

A huge thanks to everyone who came along to the first ever Sydney 3-sided football match and a special thanks to Sax Cucvara who herded cats to make it happen.

Pythagoras 3FC Takes Out the 2014 Winter Trophy







With 4 wins from 7 games, Pythagoras 3FC has taken out the inaugural St Kilda 3 Sided Football trophy.  Someone needs to come up with a more concise name for it.  Perhaps the STK3SFT.  Anyway, they are the champions despite, during the last few games of the season,  missing star forward Trevor to immigration control.

The All Sartres came in a distant second with 2 wins, and the Geometers floundered on the bottom with just 1.  Although, really, and completely objectively, there wasn’t much in it.

By the way, it’s important to note a few things.  Firstly, the previous post alluded to the game played on 27 July being the penultimate of the winter season.  Turns out it wasn’t.  Nobody knows who to blame, but somehow a total of 7 games were played, and nobody really noticed.

Furthermore, Pythagoras officially won the premiership way back on 7 September, but I’d forgotten my wordpress log-in details and have only just remembered the very long and convoluted password which, at the time, I thought was ingenious but, as it happens, was way too clever for me to remember.  So, you know, I had to go through all the rigmarole of ordering another password through the mail.  After weeks of checking the letterbox, it turns out they meant email.  The information superhighway continues to surprise and delight.

Stay tuned for an update, because there are 2 important things that have happened:

1. Referee Andrew F (who has, confusingly, decided to start playing and referring at the same time) has introduced a raft of new rules, inspired by the changes happening at international league headquarters in London.  I won’t give the game away just yet (although those of you who played last weekend will have an inkling), but one of the major rule changes involves hands.

Huh, I might even create a new page on this blog outlining the rules.  That’s a great idea, Dick.  Thanks.

2. The first 2 games of the Spring season have been played, as well as a much derided 2 sided practice match.  The reason these haven’t been reported yet?  See the password debacle above.

Thanks for reading.

Match Report (Game 5)

27 July 2014

by Ref Andrew F

The setting for the penultimate match of the first 3 sided football season was a brisk but sunny affair – a fine Melbourne winter morning, perfect for a game of football.

With several regular players away and some tardiness amongst some of the regulars, some significant team reshuffles occurred in order to get 4 adults and a child on each of the three teams however balance was finally reached. After previous matches with some injuries due to balls in the face, our referee gave a stern pre-match talking to all players about hard kicks above waist height – suggesting penalties may be given.

With that out of the way, the three teams took to their respective thirds and play commenced.









First Third:

The sunshine appeared to have brought with it enthusiasm and verve to the players with all teams fighting hard for possession and attacking both of their opponents fiercely. The All Sartres finally managed to get first blood against the Geometers however the Geometers quickly responded in kind bringing both teams to -1. The continued rivalry of these two teams was watched with amusement by the Pys who closed out the third in the lead.

Goals Scored:

AG: 1

Pys: 0

AS: 1


Atletico Geometry: -1

Pythagoras 3FC: 0

All Sartres: -1

Second third:

With the arrival of several more players the kids were relegated to substitute duty. Unfortunately this resulted in considerable discontent including a pitch invasion. Once the authorities (Damian) had sorted out the kids (took them off to play something else), play was resumed in earnest.

The Pys unbottled their trademark aggressive style of play, scoring four goals in rapid succession against the Geometers. However the Geometers teamed up with the Sartres to score four against the Pys in a remarkable display of allegiance building to apply pressure where it was needed.

Two goals required player and external review in order to determine their validity, one being awarded and one not being given – thus showing the need for a video referee and line refs to help professionalise the game.

As a result of the ongoing battle between the Pys and the Geometers, the All Sartres managed to concede a single goal as a result of an own handball deflecting into the goal.

Going into the break, it looked like it would be the Sartres match to lose, with the Geometers well out of the running.

Goals Scored:

AG: 1

Pys: 4

AS: 3


Atletico Geometry: -5

Pythagoras 3FC: -4

All Satres: -2

Third Third:

As the tired teams took to the field for the final third, there was much discussion between the Geometers and the Pys. The Sartres had looked comfortable in their position, only conceding a goal in each of the previous terms. The Sartres knew they were going to come under pressure so immediately deployed a tightly defensive formation.

At the whistle the Pys and Geometers attacked the Sartres hard, collaborating well and out-passing and running the harried Sartres.

Goals came rapidly. The Geometers and Pys both struck the Sartres hard, scoring four against them, levelling all of the teams once more. Realising they were back in contention for a win, the Geometers turned coat on their allies and put two away in the Pys goal. In the final moments the scores ended up level with -6 apiece.

The team allegiances fell apart as each team attempted attacks against each of their two opponents. In the dying seconds, a breakthrough was had by the Geometers against the Pys, forcing the Pys out of contention.

At the closing whistle, the Pys had lost, but who had won the match between the Geometers and the Sartres?

Goals Scored:

AG: 5

Pys: 2

AS: 1


Atletico Geometry: -6

Pythagoras 3FC: -7

All Satres: -6


Due to a tie between two teams, the winner is determined by the team who scored the most goals. All Sartres scored 5, Atletico Geometry scored 7.

Thus the winner of the match was Atletico Geometry, notching up their first win of the Winter 2014 season.

Match Report (Game 4)

Sunday 6 July 2014.
Another cold morning, another game of 3 sided football.
Atletico Geometry were without a win – could it finally be their morning?  The All Sartres with just one win were several members short, so their prospects didn’t seem great. Pythagoras, at the head of the table with 2 wins, the odds with them and almost their full team available, seemed the team most likely.
Andrew F had settled into his role as referee so well, that he began enforcing rules that nobody else knew existed.  Also, the goals suddenly appeared smaller than in previous games.  Was this tactical?  Who would it advantage?  Was Andrew F sick of so many goals being scored?  Was he suffering from RSI as he scribbled the scores down?
Boundaries were set (physically, metaphorically and, happily, metaphysically), corners and throw-ins explained and a Go Pro popped on Andrew’s head as a secondary source of rule enforcement.


First third

The first third played out slowly at first, the Pys defending well and both the Geometers and the Sartres managing to score impressive own goals.  The Pys scored the remaining 2 goals, and were not scored against.

Pys: 0
AG: -2
AS: -2
Pythagoras - the smiling assassins

Pythagoras – the smiling assassins

Second Third
The scores evened up in the second third, which included yet another own goal, this time to the Pys, and a much more evenly distributed scoring display, where each team scored against at least one of the others.
Lily went off midway through the term after Dick, her team mate, preposterously and blindly slammed the ball into her face.  The crowd, had there been one, would’ve let him know their disappointment, and his shame can only ever be underestimated.
Minutes later, Dick managed to slam the ball into another team mate’s face, this time Anthony, who had transferred from the Pys to the Sartres for this game, causing him to bite his tongue, his most potent weapon.
Meanwhile, for the Geometers, Lawrence scored his first goal – to much celebration.
Pys: -3
AG: -3
AS: -3
The All Sartres in All Lime.  What would Jean Paul say?

The All Sartres in All Lime. What would Jean Paul say?

Final Third
Early in the final term Anthony, looking for revenge, but misplacing it, managed to sail the ball into Damien’s face, causing a cut above the right eye where his glasses had embedded themselves.  He soldiered on without complaint, and contributed to a solid Pys’ defence.
At the close of the term, the Sartres had lost, but who had won?
Pys: -4
AG: -4
AS: -5
Professional in their uniforms, the Geometers are way ahead of the fashion pack

Professional in their uniforms, the Geometers are way ahead of the fashion pack

Well, this was our first tie. Under the rules, according to Andrew F,  ties are settled by the team
who scored the most goals. Own goals being discounted, this left the Pys with 5 and Atletico Geometry with 3.

The winners of round 4, therefore, were the Pys, despite the elegance of their opponents.  Probably justified actually, given the rough treatment dished out to Trevor of the Pys towards the end of the game by a maroon shirt who shall remain nameless.
Damien – eye
Lily – cheek
Anthony – tongue


Match Report (Game 3)

by Ref Andrew F


The players in randomised formation

First Third

The All Sartres got off to a good start, scoring with impunity against the other two teams with little support, conceding 4 but scoring 6. The Pys and Geometers responded in kind but couldn’t quite overcome the temptation to score against each other when the opportunity presented itself.

Significant defence from the Pys’ Sam, Trevor and Margaret kept their conceded goals to 3 and the leading position at the first break.


All Sartres: -4
Atletico Geometry: -5
Pythagoras 3SFC -3


Margaret kicks out on the lush pastures of St Kilda Primary School

Second third

The young legs of All Sartres’ Felix, combined with great passing from Andrew W, Gavin and Dick, pressed the All Sartres’ attack, scoring another 6 goals against the Geometers and the Pys.

Persistent attempts at collaboration by the Geometers against the All Sartres went unanswered with the Pys paying lip service to an alliance before being tempted to score against their wannabe allies another 3 times.

The All Sartres closed the third as leaders, having not conceded a single goal in the third.


All Sartres: -4
Atletico Geometry: -10
Pythagoas 3SFC: -8


Trevor takes a run through the centre (again)

Final Third

The final third finally saw some significant collaboration between the Geometers and the Pys. Numerous assists from various Geometers to Trevor from the Pys slotted 6 goals against the All Sartres in quick succession.

The Geometers attempted some fancy passing tactics and scored the first own goal with no other team in their third at the time.

The Pys conceded only 1 in the final third with some stellar defence that involved repeated body checking on Sam, and Margaret putting her body on the line to stop an attack and having to go off temporarily.

The Pys’ tight defence in the final third notched up their second win of the season.

Final Scores:

All Sartres: -10
Atletico Geometry: -14
Pythagoras 3SFC: -9


Margaret (nose)

Game 2 Match Report


Barnaby tries to reduce the Geometers’ goal width

Game 1 of Australia’s inaugural 3-sided soccer competition had been played 3 weeks previously, and the players awoke this Sunday morning for Game 2, feeling the trepidation of impending competition.  Calves were being stretched, boots hunted out from under beds and eyes turned upwards to confirm that the recent overnight rain had all but disappeared.

There was no tradition yet, no routine, there had only been one game and it couldn’t be trusted to be representative of the sport.  Some players were injured or away, including Pythagoras’s dominant Trevor, and a handful of new players had been selected.  Game 2 promised to be quite different from Game 1, and the competition’s administrators wouldn’t have it any other way.

After a short delay caused by the presences of a kids’ football clinic, fortunately cleared off by about 10.15, the teams squared off and eyeballed each other’s new look teams.

Pythagoras (the Pys) had lost Trevor (injury) and Anthony (Italy) but gained Sam (female) and Damien (male).  Atletico Geometry (the Geometers) had lost Marcus (whereabouts unknown), Paula (somewhere) but had gained Denbeigh (ominously wearing a real football jersey). The All Sartres (The JPs) had lost Saddy to nursing duties (although not yet present in that capacity), and gained Cate.

The goals are set up in hexagonal formation

The goals are set up in hexagonal formation

This week the JPs were sporting red sashes (provided by danger striker Gavin), the Geometers had red straps hanging from their shorts and the Pys were unadorned.  Two of this week’s targets were the school’s very own soccer goals, while the third target was provided by the Australian Rules posts to the east, a wider target, and one which the JPs were required to defend in the first third.

Consequently, the JPs conceded 5 goals in this term, despite the Geometers conceding the first 3.  Last round’s winners, the Pys, were again looking solid, bolstered by pocket rocket Sam and a rock solid Damien.

Scores at One Third Time:

All Sartres (JPs): -5

Atletico Geometry (Geometers): -3

Pythagoras 3FC (Pys): -2

Here’s the first third played out at 125 times real speed:

The game is one of equilibrium, as the leading team experiences the feared pincer movement from the opposition.  The ball bounded and rebounded, Damien was felled by a ball to the midriff, Sam lost her hat, and the token kids (Hugo and Jacob) both experienced near misses that had the adults wincing in anticipatory pain, and breathing collective sighs of relief as the ball cleared its human obstacle.  There were no backward steps, plenty of forward thrusts , lots of lateral movement and dizzying hexagonal disorientation.  And the Geometers had hit the front.

Scores at Two Thirds Time:

All Sartres (JPs): -9

Atletico Geometry (Geometers): -7

Pythagoras 3FC (Pys): -8


JPs’ Gavin tucks into the oranges during the break while the Pys’ Sam considers severing his achilles heel

The final third promised to be a ripper.  The Pys were hit hard trying to defend the ‘big goals’ and were soon trailing, the Geometers experienced a rush of attack and all of a sudden the JPs had taken the lead.  The JPs’ Gavin announced that they’d “parked the bus” and indeed he, Dick and the 2 Kims fearlessly withstood a barrage of violently booted bombs and, as a result, didn’t concede a goal in the final third, and ran out winners by a solitary goal.

Final Scores:

All Sartres (JPs): -9

Atletico Geometry (Geometers): -10

Pythagoras 3FC (Pys): -10


Damien (abdomen)
Gavin (foot)
Sam (hat)

Kim S celebrates the All Sartres' win

Kim S celebrates the All Sartres’ win in classic style…


Damien of the Pys gives a fair shake of the sauce bottle

…while Damien of the Pys gives a fair shake of the sauce bottle

Thanks again to Serena for the post-match catering, and the arrival of 3 more kids (Fergus, Daniel and Leonardo) who added much needed zip to an otherwise slowing field.

Serena provides post-match refreshments

Serena provides post-match refreshments to Andrew S and Denbeigh of the Geometers, and Ben of the Pys.